There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
