I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
