she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
