someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
