If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
