I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
