Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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