I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
