A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
