who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
