My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
