When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
