we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
