My friends, they love my intelligence
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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