Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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