I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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