ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
this just has baby written all over it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
