He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
