dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
