i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
