my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
