The maid of honor just puked.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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