Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
