What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
