I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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