Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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