I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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