Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
