SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
