My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
