So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
