my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
