He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
