you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The air was thick with penises
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
