so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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