I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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