wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
