I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
