I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
