Your dad touched me again.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
