Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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