I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
