i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
