just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
