Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
