Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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