we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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