I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
