he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
