It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
