Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
