bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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