and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
