Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
