Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
