Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
