I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
