So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
