I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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