you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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