So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
