I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
