I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
