could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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