So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
