Yo dont text me then not text me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
