your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
