i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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