apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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