Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
