Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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