evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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