fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
