So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
