I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
