Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
